The Vortex of Exes

One time I broke up with a guy I had been dating for a few months. He didn't take it so well. About a week later, I noticed he had friended another ex of mine on Facebook. I freaked out. Why? Why would they be friends? Did they even know each other? Were they meeting to throw darts at some terribly mangled picture of me? Ever since then I wondered if my exes liked to meet up as though they were in some kind of Ex Boyfriends Club.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, if this were true then their meeting place is 600 W. Chicago because at one day working my new assignment at Groupon I saw three of them.

Mind you, I already knew one of them worked there. So seeing him in passing as I entered the building was no big deal. The real shock came in seeing the ones I did not expect to.

I was at my desk, minding my own, when I got up to stretch. Mid-stretch I saw the ex mentioned in the first paragraph walking into the conference room behind me to be interviewed. Interviewed to work there. Oh, great. At least we were nice to each other now.

Then came lunch. Lunch that I had with my boyfriend who is wonderful. Completely wonderful. But we're not here to talk about the mushy stuff. So I was eating lunch with him and some friends when another ex walked by. He said hi to one of my friends and quickly left the cafeteria. It wasn't awkward. We both pretended we didn't see each other and it's been so long that that is not a horrible thing to do to each other. It's pretty much understood that we are civil and nice, but we don't owe each other anything else. I just had no idea he worked there. And so it was that in only four hours I managed to see pretty much all the guys I had dated post-high school and there was really only one I wanted to see (see "boyfriend" mentioned earlier in this paragraph).

To be honest, all of these quick sightings made me...um...I don't know...uncomfortable? Sad? These are all people I don't care about anymore. Really, at all. Which is weird considering at one point they all meant something to me. I shouldn't mean anything to any of them either. But still, it's weird. It's weird whenever you see someone you thought was out of your life. You feel like they are intruding on your territory.

"What are you doing here? This is a new chapter. You were written out of this book a long time ago."

It made me feel like my world had shrunk. Since I was 19, have I really only dated improvisers? I mean, really, I met all of these men in some kind of improv class. So, of course, they all migrate to the company that stereotypically hires improvisers (I am removing myself from the blame by saying "they"). I felt so weird and wondered if anyone else ever experience this kind of...well, for lack of a better word...nightmare. All of your exes - all in the same place - like some kind of horrific romantic comedy. Really, almost everyone I've ever dated. In the same place. God, I hope they don't talk to each other.

Today was better. I didn't see any of them and that's probably the way it's going to be. At 1:00pm I left my desk to meet my boyfriend - who from this point forward shall be referred to as "Adam" - for lunch. I took the elevator down with a girl who looked familiar. We smiled at each other.

Adam and I walked down the river to a sort of secluded shaded area. There was no one around us. So we happily ate alone. A boat went by and Adam pointed to it. I turned to look when I hear Adam say, "What the--?" as elevator girl came into view. Clearly this was his ex-girlfriend. Also, clearly, she was going to this area to be alone, but saw us and vanished as though she thought she was a ghost that we had not seen.

It appears that 600 W. Chicago is just a nightmare for everyone. It is a vortex of exes where the conflicts of your past glare at you and quickly rush away.

Although, 600 W. Chicago is just a large building. It houses Groupon which hires people in their twenties with an affinity for goofin' about. There are also many other companies in the building where people like elevator girl are likely working. A lot of people work there.

In the end, that obnoxious Disneyland ride is more correct than any theory I have about vortexes and clubs. It really is a small world...but still one in which I'm sure my exes have a secret society of some kind.